I needed a shower tonight. I got one, but in the aftermath was forced into hand-to-wing combat with Nature's terrorist: the cockroach. And let me tell you, fighting terrorism is no fun when you're naked and your hair is wet.
The formalities began when I entered the bathroom and flicked on the light. Being of sensitive peripheral vision, I immediately noticed the scurry of brown far below, and also being of supremely excellent reflexes jumped a good six inches backwards over the threshold with, I might add, enough of a muffled scream that my grandmother did not rush to see what was happening.
Realizing the gravity of the situation, I made a quick spot check to see - yes, the roach was hiding around the sink cabinet. Making a tactical retreat to grab a shoe, I returned to find my enemy vanished; to where, I knew not. No doubt to some dark crevice whence I could not follow.
It was late; I still needed a shower. I shrugged off the situation as best I could, but not amount of hot water could ease the apprehensive tension growing between my shoulder blades. I would have to fight this enemy again. With any luck at all, my foe would not rear his exoskeleton until after my nightly cleansing ritual.
Luck was on my side, but She is a fickle goddess; though my shower remained unbugged, I was attacked almost immediately upon my exit. And this time, I had nothing heavy on hand, no weapon of smiting. Looking around for something, anything to MacGuyver with, the cockroach took the opportunity to scurry across the floor and begin crawling the wall. I spotted my makeshift weapon - a tissue box. The roach made it to the towel rack.
As a towel rack is a rather awkward shape, one less than ideal for smiting, I waited. Waited for him to move to a less advantageous position. This was a mistake. For he readied himself with a twitch and FLEW RIGHT AT MY FUCKING FACE FUCKFUCKFUCKTHISAAAAAAAAHHHHHH.
He missed - towels make excellent shields. He hit the floor and ran. I slammed the box down and held. Then pulled up to do a body check. No good - still alive. Hit him again. And again. Once more for good measure. Then sweep him under the rug and find something heavier to grind the body to crumbs with.
Then I finished drying off and got dressed. And thus ends my epic battle with a cockroach. Lauren: 1, Terrorism: 0.
Congrats on winning this round. Did you scream at all, when it was flying towards your face?
ReplyDeleteYes, though it was less if a scream and more a series on unintelligible syllables while I attempted to gather my wits.
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DeleteOh, I make that sound all the time XD Except its spiders here, not cockroaches. Thank goodness.
DeleteI have to kill a lot of spiders too. And ants. For some reason, nobody else in the house is very bothered by the thought of bugs crawling around their food and beds and all manner of places.
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