Suspicious

I think Doc may be trying to turn me into a Springsteen fan.

It's only a hunch, but  I really can't shake it.

Also, this isn't out on loan; he gave it to me. I feel bad because it's a rather expensive book, unless he got it for less than the price on the dust jacket. I'm about 150 pages in.

Honestly, it's been so long since anyone gave me anything just for the hell of it. Even if he is hoping that I'll learn a thing or two about research writing by paging though it =P

Surrogate

I stopped using his full title
because it started sounding too formal,
and it’s hard to be standoffish with someone
who swaps albums and memories so generously,
who loves German chocolate but hates the smell of oranges,
who knows me by my boneless,
drowsy form on the couch and by my words.

And maybe one day he’ll ask
me to drop the title altogether and call him Brad,
but I won’t.
Because it sounds too much like dad,
and I’m afraid of slipping up.




I don't want anyone to misunderstand me - I'm not unloved. My family is quite large. I've never wanted for anything, partly because I so rarely ask for anything that when I do it's such a novelty that I'm not often refused. But they don't really know I write. They know, but not really.

It's like when you're a kid and you make a crappy crayon drawing and show it to Mom and you get that not-really-there pat on the head and a "that's nice" because she's tired and has been working all day and your scribbles aren't really a priority, you know? It's not anyone's fault. I'm glad my family has never shown much interest in my writing. I would have censored myself. I would have been too careful. But at the same time, now that I have the proper lens to examine it by, I know that it would have been nice to have that support. And that's where Doc came in.

About this time last year I started getting these glimpses of humanity in a figure that had previously been very distant and it intrigued me. I wrote about it. I gave him the results. And Doc was the first person that ever asked to read more of my writing, not for a grade in a class, not as part of a writing group, not as part of an exchange, but just because he wanted to. Just because he thought it was something special.

I've talked about the relationship enough that I don't have to go into details, but I noticed this a few weeks ago when he told me how much he loved German chocolate cake because my dad loves German chocolate cake and it was like something in my head went click.

I don't know. I guess what baffles me about the whole thing is that I never realized I needed that support and approval until he waltzed in and just gave it to me without even thinking about it. I can't explain how fulfilling and satisfying it is to have someone like that in my life.

I kind of love my mentor.

Well, things since the last post have been... I don't want to say "eventful," so I guess I'll settle for "interesting." Nothing's really happened, but I feel like something has shifted.

I mentioned Doc and the shower of compliments he drowned me in not long ago, and those words are turning into something more concrete. On Tuesday, he sat me down and went into serious mode.

"I have decided your career path for you. You don't have a choice. You're going to be an editor."

There's a really good magazine based right here in Little Rock called the Oxford American. As in, one of the best literary magazines in the country. It's kind of a big deal for Southern writers. Doc has offered to pull whatever strings he can to see about getting me an internship there. He's friends with the publisher and is trying to get me an interview with him. He spent some ten, fifteen minutes just telling me how much I would enjoy it, that I deserved a break and someone to go up to bat for me.

I honestly never expected to really get anything out of helping him out, but Doc is convinced I would make a magnificent editor. Interning with the magazine would be a great way to test the waters while getting a foot in the door. He can't guarantee anything, but it means worlds that he would even bother to try <3

Meanwhile, today I finally got to see what the recording process is like for the radio scripts. I met Doc at the department and we walked over to the studio (I'd never been, so I really didn't know where I was going). It looks pretty much like you imagine from TV and movies: a panel full of buttons and those bendy microphones. We spent a little under an hour there, him reading and me just watching the process. Three scripts, including one I wrote, were more or less finished this morning.

On the way back, he starts telling me about a few other radio projects he's involved in and I think I may have been roped into that too XD One of the other English professors is doing a half-hour show on Shakespeare's birthday and he wants me to have a look at that script. All while encouraging me to think about interning and editing for the local radio station.

If he keeps praising me like this, I might actually start to believe it XD

Patience

I keep forgetting I have a blog. I do a weekly journal on dA already, so it seems odd to keep this one too I guess. Maybe one day I'll finally get into the swing of things and make it a real habit.

Been rather stuck lately with writing. Not writer's block - I don't get writer's block. Rather, I have long periods of time in which I simply don't feel like writing anything. I'm rarely at a loss for ideas or anything like that. I can make myself write if I need to, but I'd rather do it because I want to.

It'll come back. It always does.

Spring break is apparently next week. Huh.

Independent Study has gone rather quiet too. Poor Doc is just getting slammed with work. I really don't know how he keeps up. I just dropped a class because this semester was going to end up being too much otherwise.